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19 July 2008 @ 06:41 pm
[Fic] Too Close To My Heart - PG-13  
Title: Too Close To My Heart
Author: kyoudai_koibito//kirakiracandy
Fandom: Ville Valo/Bam Margera
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slash. Don't like, don't read.
Disclaimer: This is fiction, purely fiction and I own nothing.
Summary: Ville begins writing for the new album. Bam marries Missy. Ville lets Bam read some new lyrics ...

Too Close To My Heart


Another year went by where HIM didn't tour Philadelphia. Ville was honestly trying to avoid Bam at all costs. It was becoming too hard to keep pretending that his feelings were purely of friendship. Especially now that Bam had another new girlfriend. Awhile back, they had something of a relationship. For that tiny period of time, Ville was so blissfully happy. But he couldn't deny the fact that Bam never did call him his "boyfriend" and that almost all the times they had sex, they were both completely wasted. It was still like a dream come true at the time ...

Bam found Missy and it was like nothing ever happened between them. Bam had no clue he had practically ripped the Finnish man's heart out of his chest with his own hands. It was always like that. The skateboarder never had a clue. He just blindly wandered into things.

Ville tossed his notebook to the floor in disgust. All he was writing were songs about Bam, or just nonsense. He canceled the tour to ... to what? Sit in his apartment alone and torture himself? It didn't make any sense.

'You have to confront him someday.' Ville told himself. Sighing, he sprawled out on his floor. 'If only it were that easy ...'

--

Bam stared at the internet announcement that HIM had canceled their newest tour.

"They're working on a new album? I wonder why Ville didn't call and tell me ..."

Missy came into the room, setting down a mug next to the laptop. "Hn. I don't know. Guess he's too busy ..."

Bam already was lost in thought, flipping open his cell phone and staring at it. He batted her hands away as she tried to wrap her arms around him. "I'm busy." He scrolled through his missed calls and text messages.

"Oh, fine then." she stalked off. Missy never did seem to ever like Ville. She didn't think much of HIM and didn't want to go to their concerts. Whenever Ville was there, she was always all over Bam, pulling him away from his best friend. The realization was fleeting as usual. He didn't think any more of it at all.

--

Ville turned off the TV. Another one of Bam's shows had just ended. So him and Missy did get married. And Ville wasn't even invited. What a laugh. He sighed and leaned back against the sofa. Who knows how long ago that show was filmed too. Bam never even told him he was really going through with it. Ville thought, no he hoped, Missy would be another Jenn and he would have Bam to himself again. That woman never wanted him around, she must have had something to do with him not getting invited. Not that he would have went anyway. It would have killed him too much to see the man he loved marrying some one else. He was sick of it. He just wanted to be over it already. Why was he wasting his emotions on a stupid heartless kid who obviously didn't see love when it right in front of his face? But that was just one of Bam's traits. Bam had almost forced his way into Ville's life, and now Ville couldn't get Bam out of it. He wanted everything to just go back to normal. He could be Jonna's number one and have Bam as his best friend. He tossed the remote lazily at the TV. For what reason, he wasn't sure himself. It felt short and hit the ground. The batteries rolled off. He watched them, his mind becoming almost blank as drifted off into a nap, his notebook lying on the floor by him. It was almost full of lyrics. There was just too much to write about ...

--

Bam leaned his head against the small plane window, watching the clouds drift by. He wondered, stupidly, if the clouds were passing the plane instead of the plane passing clouds before sitting up and rubbing his head, it now occurring to him that he had definitely been up in the air for far too long. The pilot finally announced they be in Helsinki soon and he buckled his seatbelt, turning up the volume on his iPod as the girl next to him rambled on, in Finnish no less, about how she loved him and his show. Like she had been for the last few hours. He nodded, pretending to listen.

--

Ville awoke to a knocking at his door. He lifted his head and looked across the room, but there was silence, so he laid it down again, thinking he had imagined it. The persistent knocking continued, in an almost silly fashion and then he swore he heard someone kick the door. He swallowed hard, his stomach feeling icy suddenly. Only one person ever did that. He forced himself to get up and ran a hand through his hair before opening the door.

"Bam?"

"Ville!" Bam happily threw himself in the Finnish man's arms, like he usually did when they hadn't seen each other for a long time. Ville melted into the hug momentarily before pushing the skateboarder away.

"You didn't call or anything."

"Do I ever?" Bam grinned and walked into the apartment. "Messy as usual, Ville."

Ville just shrugged, rubbing his eyes as he shut the door. "You know me very well, Bammy."

Bam strolled over to the fridge to poke his head in. "No beer?"

Ville took a seat on his sofa again, his notebook forgotten momentarily. He wondered if Bam was joking a minute and then shook his head. "You know I don't drink anymore. At least, not on an everyday basis."

"Oh ... yeah ..." Bam seemed to mumble, opting for a can of soda instead. He took a seat across from Ville in a chair he usually sat in when he visited. "We have to go out drinking sometime while I'm here."

"I don't think so. Besides, shouldn't you be with your wife?"

Bam somehow didn't catch the sarcastic edge to Ville's statement. "Aw, nah. She's back in Pennsylvania with my mom, doing one of those girly weekends or something. Anyway, I came to ask about your tour. You never called me or anything."

Ville shrugged. "I didn't think it was that important. We'll tour after the new album."

"How's that coming along?"

"Alright, I guess." There was a silence, and the pair looked at each other awkwardly. Nothing was right between them anymore. Ville knew he couldn't get back what they had so he decided to finally just get it over with.

"-- cause you know, she said that you probably didn't want to come cause you were busy so I just assumed that she was right and yeah. That's why you didn't get invited to the wedding." Bam was saying as Ville started paying attention again.

Ville stared at the skateboarder. "Bam, I know you're pretty stupid and all ..."

"Thanks, Vil. You're a real pal."

"No, I'm fucking serious."

"What?"

Ville picked up his notebook from the floor now. The page was opened to a few lines he had written not too long ago. He threw the book at Bam. The skateboarder caught it and flipped it around to read the words.

'Bleed well, the soul you're about to sell, for passion deranged, kiss and tell, baby, we're bleeding well, bleed well, the heart you're about to fail, for reasons insane, kill and tell, baby, we're bleeding well, in hell.'

"Ville, these lyrics are amazing." There was a short silence and Bam looked up to see Ville's hands over his eyes. "Vil?"

"Fuck it, Bam. Are you really that damn stupid?!" Ville had tears ruining his eyeliner and staining his gloves. And that's when it finally hit Bam.

Ville had been writing about him.


Notes:
+ Prolly still OOC, but work with me here, people! xD
+ I believe "Bleed Well" is actually not about Bam and about something totally different, but I twisted it for my fic, and it works.
+ Special note: This will probably be my last Ville/Bam fic I ever write. I still love the pairing, it's part of my world. I always will love it. But since "Venus Doom" came out and Bam married Missy, I feel things have changed way too drastically and that our boys have done something to ruin their own relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not leaving the fandom. But I'll just continue to lurk after this. Sorry I'm going out with one of my infamous angst fics. ^_^; (And of course, don't be surprised if I do write another story.)
 
 
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meduusjemeduusje on July 19th, 2008 11:12 pm (UTC)
mmm can't wait to read more of this
and hey its Bammie we are talking about Vil ;)

Cupcakebloodrazorblade on July 20th, 2008 01:24 am (UTC)
awww poor babies. =[
*smacks bam* you fucking dumbass.