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01 January 2010 @ 12:29 am
*peers around and shakes you all*  
So I haven't had internet in the better part of two years, I've moved, made my life a bit of a hell, but .... BUT.. you get chapter ten of OPERATION BAMMO.

Operation Bammo 10-
For all i'd known it'd been years..
I had gone back to Helsinki, that's for sure. I had made great memories abroad in America, I had experienced more than I bargained for, something soul touching.. Something carnal. Everything culminated into a spiral in my mind, it reached out to the center in me, it reached into my soul. I missed that touch. I missed your feeling, your air, your everything.

Where do I begin? I went back to kick my bad habits. I couldn't live long enough for myself if I were still smoking like a chimney or drinking like a.. well.. that was probably the worst. Your anger upon the issue originally chased me away, now I see that I was taken away by it, that I wasn't me. I was emotional, I was a wreck, I destroied everything that was me after all the yelling and the screaming.

I look at these shards of what once was, and it saddens me ever so..

It had all ended in one big fight, this very huge fight, this breaking point. I left, scared. I arrived alone and what I figured as heartbroken. I wrote the most pitiful music, the most depressing poems, it took me over. So what am I to do? Oh, I'll just kick everyone out of my life for a while and not talk to anyone and maybe then i'll figure out what to do with myself. I did. I won't drink anymore, everyone is so happy. It wasn't for them though, it wasn't for their begging, it was for me. So now how do I face the music?

I booked a trip back to America, maybe the air there, the places, the people, the familiar buildings, and smells will bring me back to my senses. I was empowered, I knew I could handle all of this, I can!  I am a grown man, I wasn't before..  I was a coward, but i'm a grown man now! I hugged all of the bandmates one last time at the airport, they had only supported me this whole time with the tantrums, the ending of these horrible addictions. One left, one addiction, one thing I craved that I was missing.. that I needed, I was coming home to. Your arms.

I boarded the plane and tried to ignore everyone, the flight attendants in their nicely pressed clothes, the children, lights flashing, everything. I pulled my beanie over my face and closed my eyes concentrating on this task at hand, I couldn't be distracted even in the slightest. I eventually dozed off and started to dream, everything slowly glowed with light at first. I watched this scene of a room slowy fade into view; the walls were painted a dark pink, pictures large and small were hung haphazardly on the walls, there was a familiar pool table, couches, and a fireplace. I looked around and was standing face-to-face with this enormous chrome heartagram, this is so familiar, it feels so right and so nice to be here, but where am I?!

I look to my right and.. EYES. I drown in those azure blue eyes, my whole life is in those eyes. Quickly I turned the rest of my body to face you, hands raising cupping your cheeks, and I am just lost. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. "Nobody loves noone" You say. I jerked awake, gasping for air, my beanie is wet... I pulled it up and looked around, the person ahead of me had gotten up and gave me a towel "You were bawling your head off in your sleep, are you okay? You're on a long trip, are you rushing out to see family?" Said a man dressed in black business attire. My eyes darted from his hazel eyes, to the towel, I started trembling. "F-f-f-family." I couldn't move, the man took my hand and placed the towel in it "Well, I hope everything's ok with them. Just sit down and breathe", he even had the stewardess bring me a cup of water. After I realized where I was, I forced myself to calm down, then everyone left me alone again. Good.

At least you were family to me. My family.

I tried to sleep again throughout the rest of my flight and for a while I did and everything was black, but then the dreams started again, at least I managed to knock myself awake a few times before I had another outburst. I have never  in my life felt this way about anything or anyone, this was just unreal and the closer we got to our destination the antsier I got. Hours and hours, this flight seemed to of had gone on forever. "How long is forever?" I nudged the seat of the person whom had helped me previously, he turned and peeked over the gray cloth seat and replied "Forever is almost over for you, are you sure you're alright?" I nodded at him, "Okay, well, we're about to land here soon, hopefully all you need is some fresh air, you look terrible. Maybe this Bammo you kept mumbiling about can help you?". My eyes widened, there's that name again.. I swear I must have been talking in my sleep. The man stared at me for a moment, then turned in his seat when the plane banked to the left a moment later. I looked out the window, land! America! I was starting to get nervous because of my next destination, West Chester.

Should I wander around town and try to see if he's at his local haunts? Will this be a fruitless endeavor? I even contemplated showing up at his door, but did he still live there? For fuck's sake, it's just Bam! Bam..

I collected my luggage and then walked outside. Indeed the air was different here, heavier, or maybe that was just the feeling in my chest. I looked around and realized that I had walked up to the curb already, Standing there looking a little out of place I hailed a cab. The yellow cab car stopped just ahead of me, I walked to it and threw my luggage in the back seat with me and sat down. Looking up to see a stout, brown-eyed fellow, I politely smiled "So where will it be?" He said in a raspy huff "I need to see someone" I replied, giving him the address to the nearest place I could remember, the sign at the end of the road he was on. The cab driver looked at me funny "Sure you're not lost? It's cold out, about to storm.." His eyes fixated on me, I shook my head, paid him, and turned to look down the street in the direction I needed to go, fate.

It looked overcast and drab out, I could see my breath as I walked alongside the edge of the road. Flakes of the whitest snow started to slowly fall by the time I had managed to get halfway down the road, I sighed as I turned the corner of the small road that led me to him. The world was on my shoulders, this wasn't a normal visit, it had been years. Did he still remember? 

Walking up the road I could tell it was still his property, props everywhere, the yard was a mess with the previous days antics. The outside lights were on, all of the indoor lights were out. Ape's car was there, Bam's.. collection of vehicles were there all parked to the side away from what looked like the smoldering ashes of a bonfire previous. I fought myself to make it to the door, I stopped and leaned against it, my forehead leaning against my closed fist, I sighed. What do I do? 

I heard a stir, a light came on, and the door rustled a bit. I stepped back and watched the door open, there was now a lump in my throat threatening to choke me. I held my breath for that moment and thankfully it had been Ape who opened the door. She threw her arms up, quietly gesturing an excited scream and hugged me tight. "oh my goodness, you're freezing!" She hissed in a whisper, she pulled me inside and sat me down in the dining room, hastefully bringing me a cup of hot broth. "Thank you" I choked. 

"Are you crazy?! You could've caught a cold, why didn't you tell us you'd be in town, I could've picked you up in the car so you could be in the heat!" she franticly questioned, eyes wide. "b...Bam.."  I felt myself sulk, I broke eye contact to stare at the floor. "What?" That's right! We never told you! "Uh, well, I don't think he wasn't.. busy, you know?" I looked back at Ape, sipping on the hot broth. "Oh pft, him, busy?" She cackled "He's not doing anything but screwing around with his friends, come on Ville!". I sighed, "Well, What time is it?". Ape looked at her watch, "it's about 8am, did you get some sleep on your flight?" she asked, "Yeah, some.”  I looked away again hearing a murmur across the house along with light rustiling, I cringed.

I miss you all. This community needs to return to life! :P
Current Location: Nashville, TN
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: HIM - Bleed Well
*::Joci::*: FFX: Yuna/Sunsetkyoudai_koibito on October 14th, 2012 08:08 pm (UTC)
it says january 1st, 2010 hahaha